While I am trying to figure out where I want to go this year I realiezd that I should probably basically ask my friends. Here, I’m not really a well traveled person. I know a lot of people are like hey, let’s go there, let’s go there. The most normal question is where have you been? I really don’t know, looking at it from the angle of I haven’t really go to a lot of places. The time I was a kid was basically filled with playing with my friends and staying home bu so I never really went anywhere. It’s weird. I think it depends on who you talk to whether or not people go places or not. Do you have a lot of friends who have done that. Basically it’s just a matter of choosing where you want to go and leaving from there. I mean it’s not that hard but there is some way I have made it hard. DO you know what it is like when you have too many options and you don’t know which one to pick? That’s me, now. I was thinking about the desert. Why? Because I haven’t been to spots that are similar to that place. I mean, there are a lot of other places I could go but basically there’s not much else that would probably entertain me.  But no one wants to go there. It’s like, ok, people want to go there because obviously there is the whole visiting thing, but I feel like if you asked a ton of people where do you want to go the majority of them would not say there.

But then there are the places that are potentially cooler because no one wants to go there. That’s not to say that I do the opposite of what people expect, but, so, it kind of is. Like , with movies, everyone likes the comedies but I don’t, Do you know why? It’s because they’re not funny. So I go see movies that I like and then when I’m asked about a certain movie, I either tell the about one I saw instead, or I tell them why I really didn’t feel like seeing it. There is a whole gathering of people who do things this way and it’s not like I specifically picked to join them but you know it’s just basically how it worked out. But I figure, why should my choice of destination be any different? Yeah, everyone wants to go here, so I want to go someplace different. Because that’s who I am.

More to the point, have you actually looked at the what I think you can do there? It’s basically not only a place where some cool story to it, but it’s looks pleasant as well, or at least I think it does. So to me, basically, when I was picking where the newest place for me to go should be I really just wanted to do something that may in fact be a place I wanted to go back.

This way when I go I’ll get to experience a different climate than where I am now. Like, it’s pretty cool here and I think that maybe going some place toastier might be the kind of thing I want to do . But I’m not sure. It’s more like, I haven’t ever really gone anywhere and this is really an opportunity for me to do that. You can’t really consider how much a thing like this may be valued by me because you probably go a lot of places. But for me, because I just stay at home and work, I really wanted to go someplace new. So that’s what I’m doing. And it’s going to be pretty awesome I think, mostly because I’m going to observe some things I haven’t watched before. Seriously. But actually what I’m doing now is checking out if I really want to go there or not. It’s not like I need to pick now, it’s more just like I have been playing around with the idea and this is what I have figured. Most people would tell me that I should put more thought into bit but basically they’re not positive of what they’re talking about so Imm just going to consider things this way. But you know, what’s helpful about the internet is that you can really find out whatever you want about anything so I’m able to get the details that I need. Because of this I am able to really choose a place and get the place that will probably be the best make sure that it’s something that I will find pleasure in. You don’t want to go to a location and then not like it once you get there. How annoying.

Something A Girl Told Me

Regarding my post below and the issues I was having with the jealousy I was feeling when I was out with my SO and her friends the other night.

She shared a female perspective on things.

She said:

“I don’t wanna hear particular stories of my SO but that doesn’t mean his stories can’t EVER have a voice. Who am I to say my SO can’t reminisce about days gone that happen to include parts I don’t wanna hear. It doesn’t AT ALL mean they wanna go back to those days, its just a way of laughing at yourself for who you were back then and for all the progress you’ve done getting where you’re at today (which is hopefully a better, more mature and responsible place than the stories you’re telling). And reminiscing doesn’t have to equal a longing for….it can just be a retelling of the tale in a more neutral fashion or a admission and a coming to terms with.

It’d be one thing if the SO is constantly going back to those stories and sounds wistful and sad that they’re gone. But it doesn’t sound like that’s the case.

If I ever tell tales of the past like this its more in the vein of “holy sh*t, wow, I can’t believe my life was like that back then, and thank god I made it out alive to tell the tale and pulled my head out of my ass and boy what a journey its been.”

Its a contextual thing. If I were to visit my college town with my SO and some friends (which we’re planning just such a road trip in the spring with another couple, the wife of which also attended my college), of course we’d be telling stories of craziness that happened in various locations there. Am I gonna discuss the apt # of the place I had my first ONS at, probably not, but there’s gonna be plenty of reminiscing going on. Does it mean I wanna go back and continue living that life ABSOLUTELY NOT, HELL NO, NO WAY.”

Like I said, that kind of thing doesn’t usually bother me so I think it was just maybe the stress of being in a new country combined with hanging out with people where I really only knew one person in the group, and dealing the fact that this is all new to me but familiar to everyone else I was with.

It hasn’t bothered me since, and I’m having a good time here!

Something Taboo

My friend and I have been talking about his decision to snoop and what it means for the relationship.

That’s the art of communication though. You need to learn how to communicate with that person in particular. If you’re consistently getting it wrong (them reacting negatively causing more trouble) then you aren’t asking the right questions and likely, you have made another poor choice in mate since they’re contributing poorly to the situation too (by reacting negatively instead of trying to problem solve). If they freak out when you try to discuss an issue, then the simplest thing to do next is ASK how they’d like to discuss such issues in the future. If you’re rubbing them wrong discussing something that NEEDS to be discussed, find out a better way, and the only person that can help you with that mystery is them.

If you can’t have a conversation about things then you will always fail. I promise.

The word confrontation doesn’t have to be a negative one. People assume that calling out an issue is a negative experience because of the way it makes them feel. But just because you’re uncomfortable about it doesn’t mean it doesn’t need to be talked about. You follow me? You just need to find ways to be “heard”. And that’s where compatibility comes in too. Some people respond to tough love, others don’t. Some people need a hand holding and coaxing when talking things thru, others need it like a bandage being ripped off, straight and to the point. These methods should be something you discuss with a new partner.

For example. My SO and I have seen firsthand his brothers and their wives deal with conflict. We’ll all be hanging out in a group, the wife of one, will not like something the husband does. She barks some sarcastic thing at him in front of all of us which in turn has a negative reaction from him as he’s embarrassed and tries to show off and be macho in retaliation. A reaction that she didn’t want in the first place. And then trouble ensues. What should have happened is her pulling him aside, out of earshot of everyone else, and mentioned the issue, to either resolve on the spot or to discuss later.

We actively discussed what we saw wrong with that example and have agreed to do just that, pull each other aside, and say, “hey, you know what, XYZ bothers me, how do you want to address that?” While we might have a different approach in handling the issue, we’ve come to an preconceived agreement that A. we won’t embarrass the other by calling each other out in front of everyone. and B. we’ll address it later, when the time and place are right and C. establish that XYZ is a problem for the other person.

If it comes down to “hey, I don’t like how XYZ went down” then the followup would be “Ok, I respect that’s how you feel, how would you like to see it go next time?” And come to some agreement on how it will go.

While this example isn’t the same as your experience, its about communication. It doesn’t work all the time, but for the most part, its helped to avoid a lot of unnecessary drama and in turn we’ve each learned something valuable about our partner. This+That=negative consequences and THIS+THAT=a much better situation. And now we know, better ways to communicate with each other in particular types of situations.

Down South

My husband and myself have been loyal renters going on 6 years now and I think that loyalty is about to come to a halt. We always said we would know when it is time to buy our first home and we both agreed that the time is now. Our lease is coming up in two months and we have no plans on renewing it. Our landlord has told us in the past that since we have been such great tenants we could always go month to month if needed so we’ll do that if needed.

I am going to start looking for homes for sale in South Austin as that is where my husband works. It is a nice area and him not having to commute as far for his job would be nice. Right now he is traveling 35 miles one way and runs into a lot of traffic so while that might not seem like a long way it is.  My husband also has a couple different things he wants in our home. His big thing is having a backyard. Being renters we didn’t have to cut our own grass or do any kind of yard work for that matter and that is something he enjoys doing. I could care less about planting flowers and all that stuff myself so I don’t really care one way or the other. I just want a pool and if that means having a big backyard then so be it. I work from home so having a pool will be nice. I could go out for a dip at lunch or whenever I want really. I have a daily quota of what I need to get done and as long as they are all submitted by 11:59 that night I can do them whenever I want.

Another thing he wants is a finished basement. He loves to shoot billiards and wants his own table. I told him that would be fine but he better make sure I can’t hear the balls knocking around upstairs when I’m watching TV. I used to be pretty good at shooting pool myself but lost my touch as I got a little older. I am a good shooter but I always had trouble setting up my next shot which is what separates the good players from the bad ones. I might have to go downstairs and practice that if we do get one.

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