Iris Design

face-1251415-639x482With all the conversations around me at work you would think I would know more about style than I do. Part of this is because all the conversations around me have to be about fashion. I’m not even kidding. There are so many people that seem to know about stuff and they usually talk about it and everyone made a rule that you can only talk about style in the morning. I think it’s to keep people from getting too bothered at work because seriously it’s the kind of company where you need to be awake. We do a lot of work and everything is really intense so I think that by talking about things that people like it can make it more entertaining.

So anyway, the thing they were talking about the other day was contacts and how they can change the look of your appearance. I didn’t even know what those were available but you can get ones that have like different designs and stuff and like cat eye ones and stuff and I think maybe you can get a few more but I didn’t know about that. So anyway ,I was on this site by Sclera XL but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do that but it seems like the kind of thing that I might want to get. I don’t really do anything too crazy like that and I think that maybe it would be a good idea. And I think that possibly it might improve my style, not that I would wear them everywhere, but I could probably do it somewhere and it would be cool.

Because you know that this is the kind of thing that would make other people stare and they might not want to get it themselves but they would think it was awesome if you do it. So I think that because of that it might be important to get something like this. Essentially though I will probably order something like this and see if there is anything they might do as far as things are pertaining to my design. However this goes, though, I’m pretty sure that whatever I do would bring about a different style to what I have because I really could use something new and I think that changing something like this could be what I need to get through the slump that I’m in as far as my appearance is concerned. With everything I think.

Something A Girl Told Me

Regarding my post below and the issues I was having with the jealousy I was feeling when I was out with my SO and her friends the other night.

She shared a female perspective on things.

She said:

“I don’t wanna hear particular stories of my SO but that doesn’t mean his stories can’t EVER have a voice. Who am I to say my SO can’t reminisce about days gone that happen to include parts I don’t wanna hear. It doesn’t AT ALL mean they wanna go back to those days, its just a way of laughing at yourself for who you were back then and for all the progress you’ve done getting where you’re at today (which is hopefully a better, more mature and responsible place than the stories you’re telling). And reminiscing doesn’t have to equal a longing for….it can just be a retelling of the tale in a more neutral fashion or a admission and a coming to terms with.

It’d be one thing if the SO is constantly going back to those stories and sounds wistful and sad that they’re gone. But it doesn’t sound like that’s the case.

If I ever tell tales of the past like this its more in the vein of “holy sh*t, wow, I can’t believe my life was like that back then, and thank god I made it out alive to tell the tale and pulled my head out of my ass and boy what a journey its been.”

Its a contextual thing. If I were to visit my college town with my SO and some friends (which we’re planning just such a road trip in the spring with another couple, the wife of which also attended my college), of course we’d be telling stories of craziness that happened in various locations there. Am I gonna discuss the apt # of the place I had my first ONS at, probably not, but there’s gonna be plenty of reminiscing going on. Does it mean I wanna go back and continue living that life ABSOLUTELY NOT, HELL NO, NO WAY.”

Like I said, that kind of thing doesn’t usually bother me so I think it was just maybe the stress of being in a new country combined with hanging out with people where I really only knew one person in the group, and dealing the fact that this is all new to me but familiar to everyone else I was with.

It hasn’t bothered me since, and I’m having a good time here!

Something Taboo

My friend and I have been talking about his decision to snoop and what it means for the relationship.

That’s the art of communication though. You need to learn how to communicate with that person in particular. If you’re consistently getting it wrong (them reacting negatively causing more trouble) then you aren’t asking the right questions and likely, you have made another poor choice in mate since they’re contributing poorly to the situation too (by reacting negatively instead of trying to problem solve). If they freak out when you try to discuss an issue, then the simplest thing to do next is ASK how they’d like to discuss such issues in the future. If you’re rubbing them wrong discussing something that NEEDS to be discussed, find out a better way, and the only person that can help you with that mystery is them.

If you can’t have a conversation about things then you will always fail. I promise.

The word confrontation doesn’t have to be a negative one. People assume that calling out an issue is a negative experience because of the way it makes them feel. But just because you’re uncomfortable about it doesn’t mean it doesn’t need to be talked about. You follow me? You just need to find ways to be “heard”. And that’s where compatibility comes in too. Some people respond to tough love, others don’t. Some people need a hand holding and coaxing when talking things thru, others need it like a bandage being ripped off, straight and to the point. These methods should be something you discuss with a new partner.

For example. My SO and I have seen firsthand his brothers and their wives deal with conflict. We’ll all be hanging out in a group, the wife of one, will not like something the husband does. She barks some sarcastic thing at him in front of all of us which in turn has a negative reaction from him as he’s embarrassed and tries to show off and be macho in retaliation. A reaction that she didn’t want in the first place. And then trouble ensues. What should have happened is her pulling him aside, out of earshot of everyone else, and mentioned the issue, to either resolve on the spot or to discuss later.

We actively discussed what we saw wrong with that example and have agreed to do just that, pull each other aside, and say, “hey, you know what, XYZ bothers me, how do you want to address that?” While we might have a different approach in handling the issue, we’ve come to an preconceived agreement that A. we won’t embarrass the other by calling each other out in front of everyone. and B. we’ll address it later, when the time and place are right and C. establish that XYZ is a problem for the other person.

If it comes down to “hey, I don’t like how XYZ went down” then the followup would be “Ok, I respect that’s how you feel, how would you like to see it go next time?” And come to some agreement on how it will go.

While this example isn’t the same as your experience, its about communication. It doesn’t work all the time, but for the most part, its helped to avoid a lot of unnecessary drama and in turn we’ve each learned something valuable about our partner. This+That=negative consequences and THIS+THAT=a much better situation. And now we know, better ways to communicate with each other in particular types of situations.

Down South

My husband and myself have been loyal renters going on 6 years now and I think that loyalty is about to come to a halt. We always said we would know when it is time to buy our first home and we both agreed that the time is now. Our lease is coming up in two months and we have no plans on renewing it. Our landlord has told us in the past that since we have been such great tenants we could always go month to month if needed so we’ll do that if needed.

I am going to start looking for homes for sale in South Austin as that is where my husband works. It is a nice area and him not having to commute as far for his job would be nice. Right now he is traveling 35 miles one way and runs into a lot of traffic so while that might not seem like a long way it is.  My husband also has a couple different things he wants in our home. His big thing is having a backyard. Being renters we didn’t have to cut our own grass or do any kind of yard work for that matter and that is something he enjoys doing. I could care less about planting flowers and all that stuff myself so I don’t really care one way or the other. I just want a pool and if that means having a big backyard then so be it. I work from home so having a pool will be nice. I could go out for a dip at lunch or whenever I want really. I have a daily quota of what I need to get done and as long as they are all submitted by 11:59 that night I can do them whenever I want.

Another thing he wants is a finished basement. He loves to shoot billiards and wants his own table. I told him that would be fine but he better make sure I can’t hear the balls knocking around upstairs when I’m watching TV. I used to be pretty good at shooting pool myself but lost my touch as I got a little older. I am a good shooter but I always had trouble setting up my next shot which is what separates the good players from the bad ones. I might have to go downstairs and practice that if we do get one.

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